#idk i never understand how much to censor i thought i covered everything up

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

my mercyrat post got flagged so here's just the fluffy drawing............. orz

[my-darling-luna]

Your Majesty Chapter 1

Please note that NONE of the gifs that I use are supposed to show the reader’s skin color or weight!!! It’s so hard to find gifs on here because I’m new to Tumblr and idk how things work. I’m so sorry, I’m trying to learn lol.

Your Majesty Masterlist

Summary- It has been more than a decade since the Kingdom of Ultron lost their princess. (Y/n) was just a 17 year old that didn’t know much about her past. Realizations happen and lives are crossed. How will (Y/n) handle the new pressure?

Stucky x reader

---

     “Up, let’s go, we have a long day ahead of us!” (Y/n)’s mom chirped, a smile on her face even considering how early in the morning it was.

      “Ugh, it’s still dark out though.” She mumbled from where her face was pushed into her pillow.

       “It’s unbelievable that you’ve been getting up everyday at the same time for so many years and you still act like this.” Her mom swatted her blanketed form with the dish rag she was holding. “Let’s go dear, your father isn’t going to be happy if you’re late.” (Y/n) groaned but got up and pulled on her working clothes.

      “I hate these stupid dresses.” (Y/n) huffed while trying to pull down the bodice of her work clothing.

       “I’m sorry we can’t afford more.” (Y/n)’s heart dropped at the thought that her mom believed she wasn’t grateful for everything her they did. 

       “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” (Y/n) rushed over to kiss her mom on the cheek, “I meant that I don’t like how the corset feels. It isn’t you mama, I promise.” 

       “Okay, just know I love you so much.” (Y/n) smiled as she laced up her boots and tied a brown apron around her waist. “Now go milk the cows, we need it for cheese.”

        “Okay, love you mama.” (Y/n) said before walking out of the small house to the backyard. 

        “Morning princess.” (Y/n) ‘s father kissed her forehead before handing her a bucket. 

        “Morning father, how’s Betty?” (Y/n) motioned over to the cow that was grazing the field. 

        “Still hanging on there, she seems a little stressed out though.” He sighed as he looked out to the field while squinting his eyes. 

       “We’ll figure it out, okay? We always do.” Giving her a small smile, he motioned over to the old cow. 

      “Go on, we can’t wait too long.” (Y/n) sighed as the weight of the world seemed to be on her shoulders. We always do, but what if we don’t? (Y/n) scolded herself for thinking that way. We always do.

***

       “(Y/n) come on, you have to head out now so you can make it home before dark.” Her mama called from the doorway to the outside, watching as her daughter hobbled in one one foot as she forced her shoe on. “Be careful, okay?” Worry was deeply settled in her mother’s eyes. 

      “Mama, I’ll be fine, it’s only to the next town.” 

      “But you’ve never been alone on this trip before.” (Y/n) smiled as she took the basket. 

      “I’ll be back home and safe before you know it.” Her mom sighed, but nodded.

      “Love you!”

      “Love you both!” (Y/n) waved to her mother and father at the doorway of their house. Mama was pulled closed by her father. 

     “She’ll be okay, my love.” Mama pulled her shawl closer around her body.

     “I know.” 

***

      (Y/n) hummed to herself as she walked down the rocky path to the next town. The Kingdom of Ultron was huge and technology was something that ran ramped in every little corner there was. She loved going on these trips as this was so much different from the poor, censored land of Hydra. There was a lot of hate in her kingdom which was something that she always despised about the land. 

      “Hi Peter.” The small boy jumped up and down at the sight of (Y/n) standing in front of him and his aunt. 

      “Hi (Y/n)! Why are you here?” (Y/n) smiled. 

      “I come here for the same thing every two weeks, Peter.” She set down the basket of cheese on the table in front of her. “Hi May, how are you.” The woman smiled as she gave the younger girl a hug. 

      “I’m doing good, how are you and your parents? No one came with you?” 

      “Not this time and we’re doing as well as we can be over the border.” May nodded in understanding as she ran her fingers through the young boy’s hair. 

      “How much for this block?” (Y/n) nervously asked, hoping that it was enough to feed her family until she could come back. 

      “Maybe a loaf and a half?” May watched as the younger girl’s body deflated. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but things are slow around this time and I have to feed a growing boy.” (Y/n) nodded in understanding and took the bread from May. “I’m so sorry.” 

      (Y/n) grimaced. “It’s okay, May.” It wasn’t okay; a loaf and a half wasn’t even enough for a week, let alone two. She walked away from the stall with a goodbye and made it about ten feet before she knocked into someone. 

      “How dare you knock into me.” A man stood in front of (Y/n) with a snarl on her face. 

      “I didn’t mean to.” She spoke back lightly, trying to calm the situation so that there wasn’t a fight. “I wasn’t paying attention, I’m so sorry.”

     “Do you even know who I am?” (Y/n) shook her head as the man laughed. “I am certainly more important to you. What’s your name, little girl?” (Y/n) fumed at the nickname. 

     “My name is (Y/n) and don’t ever call me a little girl.” 

     “Aww, the baby thinks that she’s so strong, what kind of name is (Y/n)?”

     “I was named after the missing princess.” (Y/n) looked at him in disgust.

     “You’re probably as worthless as her too.” The man smacked (Y/n) in the face before pulling the basket out of her hand. “Only a loaf and a half? Disgusting.” He handed the bread to one of his men standing around who ripped it up and spread it amongst the men. (Y/n) cried out from the pain in her cheek and the pain at watching her bread going to waste on a bunch of jerks. 

     “What is going on here?” A voice boomed as a man pushed between (Y/n) and the man. “Zemo, if you don’t leave right now, you will be arrested for trespassing on Ultron land.” The new man threatened 'Zemo’ before turning to (Y/n). 

     “Are you okay?” He had a bright red coat and hat on with gold details on the edges.

     (Y/n) dusted off her skirt as she stood up from the ground. “I’m fine, thank you.” The man before her gave her a hesitant look before holding his hand out for her to take. 

      “Let me go get you cleaned up.” (Y/n) shook her head before looking around at the small crowd that surrounded them. May and Peter stood in the middle before walking up to (Y/n). 

      “Are you okay? You’re bleeding.” May softly touched (Y/n)’s cheek and when she pulled back, red blood was covering the tips of her fingers. Zemo must’ve cut her with the rings on his hand. 

      “Like I said, I’m okay.” Peter looked up at (Y/n) with wide brown eyes and extended his hand out to her. A small piece of bread was held in his grasp.

      “You have it.” (Y/n) lightly took the piece of bread and kissed the boy’s cheek. 

      “Thank you, Peter.” (Y/n) turned back to the man in front of her. “I really appreciate you scaring that man off, but I have to get home before dark.” He shook his head. 

      “At least let me get you cleaned up.” (Y/n) was about to shake her head, but was cut off by May saying something. 

      “Yes, thank you Rhodey.” The man nodded with a smile. 

      “Come with me.” (Y/n) took his hand and he led her through the crowd and market to a carriage. She gazed over the beautiful white carriage that had red and gold blemishes on it. “Up you go.” Rhodey helped her get into the small, tight inside. The door closed behind them and he soon after hit the top of the carriage, making (Y/n) jump with the sudden and loud noise. “Oh I’m so sorry.” He pulled out a perfect white handkerchief from his pocket and handed it over to her. 

      “Thank you.” (Y/n) pressed it lightly into her cut, wincing at the slight pain in her cheek. Her eyes wandered over his outfit from the opposite side of the carriage. “Who are you?” Rhodey seemed shocked with the question. 

       “I’m Duke James Rhodes.” (Y/n) nodded while trying to play off the shock of the revelation. She knew he was important, but definitely not that important. He watched as the girl in front of him pushed the small piece of bread into her basket with a flinch. 

       “Where are you bringing me?” 

       “You ask an awful lot of questions.” He continued to smile. “I’m bringing you to the palace to fix you up. We should be pulling up now.” (Y/n) fidgeted in her seat at the thought of going to the palace in these clothes and looking like this. Another heavy knock on the carriage scared (Y/n) as the door opened and the footman let her out. The man flinched at her dirty hand touching his white glove. “Let’s go.” Following Rhodey, she walked up the palace steps and into the huge grand entrance. 

      “Rhodey, how did the market go?” A loud voice echoed through the empty space as a man with brown hair and intricate designs in his beard walked forward. The two embraced and the new man patted Rhodey’s shoulder roughly. 

       “Good,” he motioned for (Y/n) to move forward and she did, “I met this young lady in a confrontation with Zemo.” The man looked (Y/n) up and down before looking up at Rhodey. 

       “What was Zemo doing in this kingdom?” Rhodey shrugged. The man looked over to (Y/n). “Are you not going to bow?” He asked and (Y/n) froze. What was she supposed to do? She didn’t know how to curtsy. (Y/n) awkwardly bent in a way that she didn’t think that she could ever do again. A frown covered the man’s face. “We’ll have to work on that.” She flushed. 

       “Tony leave the poor girl alone, she’s bleeding.” A woman with strawberry blonde hair walked out into the main entrance and kissed Rhodey lightly on the cheek. 

       “Hello Pepper.” Rhodey turned to (Y/n). “As I said, Zemo was intimidating her and he hit her. He must’ve had rings on or something.” That’s what I thought, (Y/n) said in her head.

       “You poor girl, let’s go get you cleaned up.” Pepper put her arm around  (Y/n)‘s shoulder while carefully minding the built up filth. “What’s your name, darling?”

       “(Y/n).” Everyone stopped walking as man with the funny beard flinched and Pepper moved away from (Y/n). 

      “How old are you?” Pepper asked, her eyes staring with interest at the girl in front of her.

      “Seventeen.” Pepper smiled quietly and looked over at the man. 

     “Tony...” (Y/n) ‘s eyes widened. Tony was the name of the King. She was in the presence of the King. “I think we should go get you cleaned up.” Pepper shuffled away with (Y/n) at her side. 

***

      “Are you okay with this?” (Y/n) nodded at Pepper who looked at her with a smile. She just stepped out of the bathroom where the maids cleaned her and her wound. The bleeding had stopped not to long ago, but getting it checked was still important to make sure that it wasn’t infected. Pepper now stood in front of her with her hands ruffling over dresses for (Y/n) to wear. “How about this one?” She held out a dress that was plain, but looked nicer than anything that (Y/n) could even be in the range of touching. Pepper made it quite clear that she would not allow (Y/n) to go back home in the rags she wore before until they were cleaned, especially not if she was her step-daughter, but she didn’t mention that out loud. 

      “Whatever you have is fine.” Pepper pushed another dress into (Y/n)’s arms before stepping back and letting the maids dress her. 

      “You look beautiful! Do you like it?” (Y/n) nodded while running her hands through the tulle skirt of the dress. 

      “Thank you.”

      “Never mind that,” Pepper shook her off, “now let’s go see Tony and Rhodey downstairs, okay?” (Y/n) nodded, her nerves skyrocketing again. 

      Tony watched as (Y/n) walked down the stairs and felt his heart jump at the thought of her really being his daughter. “Banner?” He called and a man in a white coat walked into the main entrance. 

      “Is everything ready?” Banner’s voice was soft as he pulled out a cart. (Y/n) looked fearfully over to the doctor. Why was he here? What was going on? 

      “Relax,” Pepper consoled, “there is just going to be a quick paternity test.” (Y/n) jumped away.

      “For what? I know my parents and they’re waiting for me at home, so I’d really like to leave.” Rhodey grabbed (Y/n) by the waist and pulled her over to the doctor. Tony held onto her arm to keep it steady as she tried to wiggle out of his grip. “Let me go! I want to go home, please.” She begged.

       “Small pinch.” (Y/n) winced as Banner took some blood out of her arm and wrapped up the hole with a bandage. She watched as Tony’s blood was taken and put into a device with her. Her arms were let go of and she pushed as far away from the men as possible. The machine beeped and the doctor pulled out the test. “It’s positive, you’re the father.” Banner looked over to Tony then everyone turned to (Y/n). 

       (Y/n) felt as her entire world fell to the ground. She was lied to, no! There had to be something wrong, she knew her parents and they were in a little cottage with an old cow out in the back field. This was all fake. “I want my parents,” she looked over to the people with a grimace, “my real ones.” 

--

Thank you so much for reading! I’m hoping to get out a chapter every week so stay tuned if you want! Much love!

Taglist- @austynparksandpizza​ @aikeia​ @simplyfandomish @baby-noodles @lili-ann-love

[magenta-llama]

Avengers Assemble Season 1: the stoniest

List: 

ep. 1-2 “The Avengers Protocol”

ep. 6  “Super Adaptoid”

ep. 13 “In Deep”

ep. 17 “Savages”

ep. 25 “Exodus”

ep. 26 “The Final Showdown”

Episodes 1-2: The Avengers Protocol

"You lead. I'll follow." (Steve Rogers)

What can I say, the show is gay from the start. Like, Tony is missing his team so much that he stalks them over his morning coffee on a daily basis. And yeah, sure, he stalks all of them and Steve is the last one he gets to, but come on, this show is so transparent (thank you, whoever made it this way. You make my life better every day. I love you.) And like, idk, I, personally, often leave the thing I am truly interested in to be the last one as well. Like, you never start with what worries you most when you don’t want to look suspicious.  And excuse me, what exactly was Red Skull’s “So Iron Man has a heart after all” about? I MEAN, AFTER IT LOOKS LIKE HE KILLS STEVE AND TONY GOES “NOOOOO” AND GETS KINDA ANGRY? Really, I think he is the biggest Stony shipper of the show (after Clint maybe).  And then again, “So you left the rest of your team behind - for me?” (Not that he doesn’t have a point, because the moment Tony sees Cap’s signature? He forgets everything). I tell you, he has an ao3 account, and he posts stony fics every night when MODOK is not around.

And the moment Tony frees Cap-Skull? He just wouldn't stop TALKING because he'd MISSED Steve so much TT 

Then goes part 2 - yep, the one with Steve’s “show-off” face. 

Like, he is biting his lip right there, I don’t take criticism.  He literally offers his body to Tony Stark at the very beginning of the show.

And Steve carrying Tony around in his arms? (Steve carrying Tony is a thing of this show in general - no matter whose hands are free, no matter the fact that Thor and Hulk are stronger than Steve and can move faster than him while carrying heavy stuff, Steve never lets anyone else carry his Tony. Ever.) The tender looks and shiny smiles Steve gives him? The non-stop flirting? I mean, if "Careful. Keep leading like that and we might actually stick together." was not a Captain America pick-up line I don't know what is. 

And the way Steve and Tony are right by each other's side, all the time, they just can't bear being farther than 1 meter's distance from each other. 

Do they have to be so close? There's plenty of space in Tony's house! And given that Tony was the first to turn and walk down it looks like Steve just ran after him to stick close again. 

Episode 6: Super Adaptoid

"There are a few old-fashioned things worth keeping around." (Tony Stark)

This one is just my favourite. I think I've rewatched it at least four times already. This whole trope with Tony's Modern Tech vs Steve's Old Fashioned Gut, learning to actually listen to each other and becoming closer in the end? Love it.   The way they just outright flirt and fool around from the first minute of the show? The way Tony is genuinely worried about Steve being hurt and tries to make him wear armour?

I personally find the whole concept of Tony making a suit for Steve really hot. And yes, it's always Steve. Not Clint or Natasha, who don't even have super strength. Just Steve. Tony wants to protect him so, so badly I want to cry.

I also love how Tony and Steve sit a bit apart from the others on their way home. Like, alright, Tony's piloting the jet (which actually JARVIS can do) but what is Steve doing? Just sitting there by his side and what, watching him? What had he been doing before he asked about the readings? He just likes spending time with Tony so, so much. I tell you, the only reason Cap wasn't sitting on his lap at that moment was that it's a kids' show. 

And Steve “never missing an issue” of Futura? That magazine with Tony on the cover? No, I can respect that he can just have interests of his own, but I like to think that he reads things like that to understand his boyfriend better. Or maybe impress him, who knows. He did impress him in the end :3

Also, why does Cap know how to use Iron Man's gauntlet? It didn't take him long to figure it out. Well, I actually made a fanart on that one, you can find it by “my art” or “stony” tag, I don’t know which one helps, tumblr messes with the tag search all the time.

And of course, the last scene. Oh, that last scene. That peaceful walk down the corridor while Tony's drying his hair. I have so many questions about that one scene. Like, what, were they taking a shower together? Were they going to spar? But then why do they take a shower before that..? But I've already written a post about that one, too.

Episode 13: In Deep

“So are you pals gonna hug now or what?" (Clint Barton)

The stoniest episode of the season. Possibly, of the whole show. Like, the whole episode is entirely stony. Undercover mission while gazing tenderly into each other's eyes? Trying to play bad guys, but keeping flirting and looking after each other's backs all the time? Really, the whole episode is just Steve and Tony being:

Yeah, I made a post about that one, too.

The "Tony's not following Steve's plan and Steve's pissed but in the end, they steal each other’s moves" trope? The "I know you're enjoying the role-playing thing"? I mean, how does he know Tony’s enjoying ‘the role-playing thing’? Oh, we all know how.  And Steve telling Tony how amazing he is? @tonysbubblebutt​ has already made a post about this, too. And COME ON, "Step 3 - we enjoy the view"? ENJOY THE VIEW, STEVE? REALLY?

(The view:)

Also, Tony's face when Steve hit him. For a moment, he really thought his babe was gonna hurt him, omg. 

And I like how everything is censored and yet so obvious. Like Tony putting a photo of his butt into the armour, but in pants - because kids'  show. Or Steve saying "billionaire, genius" and then trailing off - because kids' show. And Clint’s "So are you pals gonna HUG now or what?”  I mean, really?

Episode 17: Savages

"You know me, and I know Tony" (Steve Rogers)

The Camping! trope episode. Seriously, I've come up with at least three fanfiction ideas while watching this one. 

The first thing you should understand is that Tony and Steve had had a very good morning sex before the events. Or maybe not that good, because Tony just kept throwing Steve around the room and tried to make him “test drive his next invention”. Maybe he wanted to top and Steve didn’t let him, idk. Anyway, there is no other explanation for them beaming at each other for 20 minutes straight.

Really, the bet should have been about Tony and Steve being unable to go a day without eye-sexing every time one of them starts talking or, idk, moving. But just look at how wide their smiles are all the time - it makes it hard for them to even talk at all. 

But yeah, making bets. There’s actually an amazing fic about that, it’s called Quit While You’re Ahead by  @magicasen​ (ao3 work 3067199), I highly recommend you read it.

And the way they tease each other, oh my gosh. And the mysterious "next *fingers-up-in-a-scissoring-gesture* invention" Tony expects Steve to test drive- 

And both of them running around like two happy puppies when it’s time to set up their camping. 

And yes, Steve knowing Tony all so well and having so much faith in him? I love it. 

Episode 25: Exodus, Episode 26: The Final Showdown

"Sorry to break this romance" (Clint Barton)

These are just worth watching for Tony and Steve holding hands (I stopwatched 6 seconds, and those were only those shown), Steve carrying Tony on his shoulder while holding him under his butt and just Steve's "You're amazing, Tony" and Tony's "No, you are amazing. I am also amazing, but that's because you make me amazing with how amazing you are yourself, Steve." 24/7.

Bonus: Steve carrying Tony around - Season 1 edition (tell me if I missed anything)

[herotheshiro]

ok so i’m gonna actually write out a post instead of reblogging and commenting bc i expect to go a little longer than i have patience for via tagging. EDIT: ok yes this did end up becoming a monster of a post. i apologize to those who actually try to read this/manage to read the entire thing

so this manga is called will you marry me again if i am reborn, it’s abt a couple who meet when they are 5yo and 9yo respectively (if i remember correctly, i just know their age diff is 4 yrs) and they basically have feelings for each other from day one so they get engaged at 26 and 30yo (synopsis basically of ch 1 lol). the manga consists of basically one-shots covering both the mains’ experiences growing up together and the experiences of the fam/friends around them. (i say one-shots bc the “story” usually gets resolved in 1 ch, there technically is a linear plot connecting the chapters but the main meat of the ch is usually not covering that plot specifically but rather talking abt things that come up due to that plot. this makes more sense if you actually have read the manga)

classic me decided to look this up on a whim despite having schoolwork to do after seeing it while going through my IG saved (i had seen this manga at least a yr or so ago but never looked it up) and damn ngl i was expecting it to be a one-shot but nah it’s 4 volumes and ongoing .......

at face value, i do like this manga ... the main couple is sweet and i’m weak to cute scenes, the women in this manga are badass and physically and emotionally wrecking havoc (not in a bad way, just like in a headstrong way) while the men weep (not like in an abuse way, just like they’re uselessly crying abt stuff), and i think the way the manga covers the history of this family/related ppl is interesting (i.e., it’s not a completely linear way, like 1 ch is this person. now the next ch is their mother. now the next ch is their father, etc etc). this manga does take place in japan in the 40s though, so note some social things still remain despite the switching of stereotypical gender roles (e.g., everyone is married at 25-30yo. like i kept getting caught up on this one like ‘why the fuck is every character married. like chill, you don’t gotta be married--oh wait nm i forgot back then ppl tended to get married p fast/early’).

on that note. probably my biggest complaint with this manga though is (spoiler) the pairing of chizuru and toyokichi. who have an age gap of 7yo and 32yo (AT STORY INTRODUCTION. thankfully they don’t get together/are really romantically involved until later but hold on let me say what i want to say first before i go into that). that’s right, what i thought was a joke premise (‘a pathetic man like you is still single rn? well i’ll let you marry me once i become of age if you’re still alone’) was NOT actually a joke bc later chapters reveal that they did get together as adults. which is FUCKED UP !!! like sure i feel like there are het couples irl who have huge ass age gaps and these relationships are for the most part accepted (or tolerated) then in the 40s and even now but that is so fucking weird that this man 25 yrs a girl’s senior still for whatever cursed reason married the girl in the end. (like legit. when the girl said that statement above, the man was like ‘damn i’d be committing a borderline CRIME if i did that’. not in a romanticized way though, like he was weirded out and that is so damn sad that i feel the need to clarify that. i have read too much shit and unfortunately some ppl do like that) 1. i don’t understand why ppl need to pair up all of their mains/introduced characters so bad. like... if needed it’s ok to introduce a side character who doesn’t get much focus. you don’t need to pair everyone up ages be damned; 2. the acceptance of such shit ... idk. i’m not saying older generations are all necessarily fine with such age gaps but also idk if maybe that shit just flies with older ppl and it’s not a big problem (i say that bc the adults in the story don’t really seem to be saying much abt it). then again, i haven’t seen what their getting together story is yet (we’ve only been seeing them together as they are in present time aka as adults) so idk if maybe ppl were against it but they still got together but man. that shit rubs me the wrong way.

as of right now, the ongoing story is focusing on the effect of ww2 on the mains’ and their families. tbh i was kind of surprised at how this story turned into a war story; i mean it’s to be expected if your story is in the 40s, i think most stories around the world that take place in the 40s HAVE to talk abt ww2 bc it’s not really something that can be glossed over easily since it really did impact daily life so much. but also i didn’t expect it ... i don’t really enjoy reading war stories, not only are they sad to read sometimes but also i feel like sometimes it’s glamorized to some degree. i don’t feel like this manga glamorizes it but i’m gonna be real i’m always kind of uncomfortable bc i’m used to hearing/reading abt nationalistic depictions (aka “hell yea go [insert native country], we are the best and fuck everyone else. also look at our causalities, we deserve to fight the other side for doing this to us”) and i never know if the author is suddenly gonna go in that direction. based on what’s been presented i don’t think it’s gonna veer in that direction but yeah.

otherwise, i think this manga is a cute read. it’s well-written enough that i kept going despite the hiccup covered 2 paragraphs ago, and i think emotional parts are handled relatively well. i think the characters are enticing for the most part, however i do feel that characters get paired up too fast (or the implication that they’re gonna get paired up). i understand that many of the characters’ stories are really only covered in 1 ch so you gotta just pair them up quickly, but for example the burned eye girl and the ex-yakuza ... i wish they hadn’t INTRODUCED the burned eye girl as being romantically interested in the latter even if it is true esp since their story is ongoing and wasn’t just limited to 1-2 chapters. like i get there’s history and we’re looking at “present day” where she’s head over heels for him but like ... idk. i’ve never been a huge fan of stories where it’s basically stated outright ppl have feelings for one another, like tangent but that’s why i didn’t really like j*son x p*per from the HoO series (i never finished this series btw lol. i think i only read up to h*ouse of h*des and even then i’m unsure if i even finished that book) bc they were basically introduced AS a couple and i’m like bro i barely know these characters, let me figure them out first before i pair them together. yes they took a break for a bit bc j*son literally lost his memory but all of their interactions from early on were then romantic to some degree as a result and i’m like bro. (on the other hand, that’s why i liked h*zel x fr*nk better. yes i believe fr*nk was introduced as having a crush on h*zel but i feel like their early development was relatively separate. also i’m censoring everything bc i don’t want the risk of pj0 ppl coming at me) i’ve also only been reading BL recently so i’m like ‘damn ok too many het pairings and not enough lgbtq content’; i mean it’s the 40s but also gay ppl weren’t invented afterwards or anything lol (that’s sarcasm. supposed to be a reference to that one tumblr post i saw where they’re like ‘we can’t have black ppl in this period piece’ ‘what, were black ppl not invented yet?’)

next paragraph despite same point bc these paragraphs are literally becoming walls. but while i think it’s cute, i prob won’t be actively following. i feel like it’s pretty standard fare for genres/topics like this despite the more unconventional storytelling. it’s relatively well done but there’s not really much new grounds being covered with this story so i don’t feel particularly inclined to pay strong attention. now that i’m at the end of this review, i’d just like to say godDAMNIT (spoiler) kenji died, and the irony hurts that kenji was like ‘kind ppl like you will die in war’ but then he ended up dying bc of his own kindness towards toyokichi ... i mean i knew he was gonna die, that’s just how the story was going but also damn it ... also if main guy’s older bro doesn’t personally meet main girl’s older bro in the story ... wtf. everything is pointing towards that happening

[vixen-vangogh]

polyvore banned this for some reason (i cannot figure out what i need to censor for it to be posted though?? i tried even the most conservative of censorings)

so here’s what i was posting in the descrip instead

hey everybody i aged ! i am 23 years old by the standards of the gregorian calendar. differs with other calendars and planets but idrk the exchange rate of time too well

-

i talked to one of my other roommates about talking to the roommate who has been really flip floppy and ignorant about whether she's actually moving out or not

and idk i'm just really relieved that those of us staying are on the same page

like that one roommate who we're asking to leave yelled at me some really ableist stuff because she had some issues with the temperature being like a couple degrees off from room temperature (as in, like 25 degrees celsius was what it was set to - altho not what it actually was) and she had her upstairs window open in -40 degrees with the wind chill and it made our entire home freezing because i guess? for some reason ?? she needs the temperature to be like 0 degrees?? or something???

my body doesn't thermoregulate very well because i have POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) and generally deal w adrenal fatigue because of anxiety and panic and all that other stuff with trauma. the other roommates were also cold though and were trying to blow warm air into their hands etc and we have our windows covered in plastic wrap because windows don't provide enough insulation.

and then when i told her the only reason the heat is so high is because she has her window open and she lied and said it wasn't but after that 'conversation' (she blocked me on fb after yelling so like, it's not like much of that was actually double sided or civil) the temperature got way warmer thru the day almost like she shut her window when she got caught

[hand on chin, thinking emoji]

but anyway she's 27 and the rest of us are 19, 22 and 23 and she is acting like she's 12

i just want her to tell me concretely when she is moving out so i can make accommodations and stop having other people go around just because she literally blocked me on facebook making it impossible for us to communicate

(i don't have a phone contract and haven't in about 2 years because it's just.... a lot of money and organization and planning and i cannot guarantee my money any given day if it were to automatically come out of my account. that and i can't deal with talking on the phone because of anxiety and stuff.)

(it occurred to me somewhat recently though that you can use TTY on my particular device though so I might look into seeing if there's some way to get a pay as you go thing?)

--

i've been trying to rewire my mind whenever bad memories surface that I know i am to blame for how things happened.

from "i hate myself"

to

"i forgive myself" "i feel remorse about this" "i have grown" "i was a child" (and this includes times when i was a child in the sense that i was legally an adult but still a child in terms of my own personal growth and sense of self) "i accept that this happened." "feeling so guilty this way now will not make me a better person. i am already a better person now."

etc

i've tried a lot of different tactics to dealing with these things over the years and every now and again something i try will work or help and that is one of those things. :)

obviously i'm not ~cured~ but it's !! not the point? i'm not ever going to be cured because i have always been like this to a degree, and it would appear it's hereditary to some degree. (which i wouldn't have known about but - i was talking to my aunt the other day and we're actually on the same medications ... which is ?? pretty interesting how these things work out.) (i've never met anyone who was on the exact same meds as me, just folks who had the same meds one at a time or at some point now or in the past. just people who i could talk to about it and not necessarily people who are on the same meds as me.)

-

by talking to my aunt i don't mean to imply that i've got family really in my life still - but two of my paternal aunts and one of my cousins are on my facebook because i do trust them to a degree and they aren't exactly close with my dad anyway. (my dad sucks - i've been taken to calling him Cryptid Dad because it's a fun joke about how he presumably exists but I haven't seen him in years and only get an email a few times a year)

--

i've also gotten ridiculously into genealogy. like so hardcore into genealogy. it's extremely interesting and i have literally traced so many of my ancestors back as far as the H/uns of the Steppe and am absolutely baffled about that. granted, it wasn't necessarily my own research that put that together myself, but because at some point in the middle ages there was royalty in my lineage and if there's any famous families that have that so researched, it's royal families.

so like once i made that connection it was smooth sailing.

i've also found a bunch of Huguenot ancestors, which is pretty neat because honestly? i'd never heard of the Huguenots at all before wikitree was like "[ancestor name] was a Huguenot"

which is neat to think about and research

i'm also related to a captain john wood who was in the usa continental army during the revolutionary war and then after being held in a quebec d/ungeon for 4 years, decided he wanted to be canadian instead

his descendants got land from both sides. because apparently he helped both sides significantly enough for that.

i also feel like it's very important to know and learn about the very specific land thefts my ancestors took part in so that i can better name and advocate for the specific indigenous peoples today working hard to reclaim that land.

everyone always pulls the whole "but those were my ancestors not me" stuff but like??

you know our ancestors did it because they thought this was what we would have wanted right? because they thought some regressive stuff about "the future of the white rac/e" etc

and it worked because we're like what we are today.

don't you think we should like, idk, overthrow all of that? don't you think there's maybe more to renouncing your ancestors ? like maybe renouncing all the horrific things they did (consciously or unaware) that made it so ultimately there still exists extreme deprivation today that benefits us very directly

idk yeah

also genetics are very wild because i did take one of those ancestry dna tests over a year ago and uploading it to GEDmatch said there was Steppe DNA markers in there which. is ???? something I thought was a fluke or mistake until I got to literally the pre 1000s CE and found that there the H/uns were.

same for the Netherlands and areas around that because I guess a bunch of my ancestors were the original white pe/ople to come to NY

and Anatolia - that was because the H/uns too I think but I'm still not totally clear.

anyway it's some really interesting stuff and everytime I discover something I am left with dozens of new questions.

i'm also learning about isotope analyses and what that's about because i guess based on the atoms and stuff people have in their bodies you can tell where they've been, where they grew up, if they've migrated a lot recently, etc.

idk everything is ! way more interesting than i thought it was in high school.

i wish i had better science teachers back in the day and also like, that someone thought 'hey that kid is taking an hour longer than everyone else to complete their work.... ever think.... maybe there's a learning disability at work here?'

but because i was scraping up alright grades and wasn't much of a rebel as a kiddo they just shrugged it off. i think also, from what i understand, teachers and so on like to sort kids into categories where they say that ADHD and ADD and autis/m etc shows up differently in different genders (rather than just differently in different people, like would make more sense) and thus certain kids get diagnosed and others don't and it has some gender biases where people end up saying "boys are more likely to have ADHD" and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

like no, that's not true. that's not how the human brain works. you just think this way so you ignore certain kids and certain symptoms and it's just going to continue swaying the way you say because your initial base research was ignorant and biased

--

i feel really proud of myself for knowing the things i know despite being a dropout and not completing more than like, a year and a half of university and a year of college

i hate feeling this way but it's tied in way too much to my ego.

i need to let this go and acknowledge that i am incredibly intelligent and it's just that i transcend and cannot be measured or contained within the standards that were outlined this way.